Nonverbal Communication

Ten Nonverbal Tells That tell us so much.

Most body language experts have their own set of nonverbal behaviors that tell so much about what a person is thinking, feeling or intending.  

I have my own set of ten nonverbal tells that I pay very close attention to when interacting with someone on a personal or professional level. I will list my ten behaviors that tell me so much. 

1) Children Going Dormant

Children are balls of energy. All one has to see is the two little loves of my life on a Saturday over uncle TT's house. They are jumping around, pillow fights, jumping on Uncle TT like I am their personal jungle gym. This shows love and trust. When a child see's someone who has caused them stress, extreme discomfort, emotional abuse or in the worst case scenario sexual abuse. Their arms will drop by their side and their head will drop down so not to be seen.

Movement attracts attention, this behavior is indicative of the freeze response, in the face of a threat. Called, hiding in the open. Something is very wrong here. As loving caring adults we must find out why. It is of the utmost importance not to ignore this change in the child's behavior. A change in behavior is a change in the child's reality. As responsible adults we must find out why this change took place and what caused it.

2) Touching/Covering the Neck Dimple

Called the Suprasternal Notch. This area is just below the Adam's apple. This indicates concern, worries, insecurities and fear. Women touch this area of the neck more frequently than men do. Many times when women see, hear or relive a traumatic event they will touch this area of the neck. Men tend to grab this area more vigorously and also means stress, concern, worry and frustration. Women will touch their Suprasternal Notch more lightly and cover this area do to their fear or concern. 

3) Eyebrow Flash

This is a very quick lifting of the eyebrows up and down this nonverbal tell happens very quickly. This tells me the person likes me is happy to see me and is my friend. When I do not see this tell I know the person does not like me and is not my friend. You may see a phony fake social smile but no eyebrow flash. Never trust this person. If you also see a very long lifting of the eyebrows for two, three four seconds this is also very contrived and phony.    

4) Disgust Micro Expression

This tell looks like someone has smelled something bad, the lips and nose crinkles up very quickly. When meeting someone and you see this tell the person does not like you.

I look for this tell when I am talking to someone about a issue or problem. I know I have hit a nerve when he/she flashes this tell. They have heard something they did not like or must answer a question they do not want to answer. If you see this tell that is very long when someone sees you and they hold this expression for two, three or four seconds and shake their head no, this is more of a flirtatious expression. He/she is trying to prove to you they don't like you, that is not what they are feeling. They like you. 

5)  The Head Tilt   

I call this a head tilt because the head is connected to the neck. This tell is more of a behavior of the neck. The neck is tilted to one side exposing our vulnerable neck. In personal and professional relationships this tell is indicative of comfort and trust and the person is listening to me and is interested. It is also a very important in courtship behavior. The person is relaxed and is enjoying your company. If something is said during your interaction  that is at odds with the person their neck will straighten up very quickly.  

6) Arms Akimbo

There are two variations of Arms Akimbo one is where the arms are out to the side the thumbs are in the back and hands are on the hips the fingers are pointed towards each other this is a very dominant display. This person is stating I am in charge here, I am alert and I have an issue we need to discuss. As a child when I saw this posture when I came home I knew I was in trouble. The second variation is the arms are out to the side, the fingers are on the persons rear end and the thumbs are pointed down. This second Arms Akimbo seen in women is more of a flirtatious posture. I am interested, I am curious about you. What I have noticed more and more over the last few years is pictures of women all together standing with Arms Akimbo. This is more of what I call an "emblem" more than true Arms Akimbo. This tells me that all of the women in the picture want to be the center of attention and are attempting to tell everyone "I am number one." Asian and Asian Americans do a different emblem but means the same thing with the reversed peace sign on parts of their face, "look at me I am number one."

7) Hand Touching 

When someone greets you, personally or professional, a friend, girlfriend, wife or husband etc. I look for two behaviors of the hands and fingers. Do they touch with only their finger tips. That is distancing behavior, this tells me the person is not into you, or has an issue of some sort. Ever watch someone pick up a dirty diaper, they do it with only their fingertips. When a person hugs you with a full palm on you this person likes you or is in love with you. Fingertips = distance, full palm = closeness. I watched a very famous Hollywood couple a while back the woman only touched her love interest with her fingertips. I smiled and said, "their done." A few months later they brook up.  Another distancing tell to pay very close attention too is when you ask someone a question they answer you and lean back or step back. This tells me they are distancing themselves from their own words The "flight response." They are being less than honest. Remember the famous Nixon speech when he stated "I am not a crook" and he stepped backwards.     

8) One Sided Shoulder Shrug.

When a person is talking to me and they are attempting to express their thoughts, feelings or intensions and I see a one sided shoulder shrug during their conversation I know they are not Limbic committed  to their statements. Sometimes you will also see their palm turn out called the rogatory hand position. This is most evident when you are asking a direct question that needs a direct truthful answer. This is not to be confused when you ask someone a question and they have no knowledge of what you are asking him/her and both shoulders pop up at the same time.   

 9) Duping Delight

Duping delight most often manifests as a grin or a smirk which will flash across a person's face, and is usually completely inappropriate to the situation or the topic that is being spoken about. The person is either about to lie, or is lying to you and they are believing you believe their lie, and the smirk is a leaked expression of pleasure that they are getting away with it and getting one over on you.

10) Ventral Arm Bruising

I pay very close attention when I notice bruising on the inside of a child's, women's or of an elderly person arms. You will see fingertip marks on the inside or the persons arms called the ventral side this tells me the person was held very hard or possibly shaken. This is indicative of physical abuse. You need to ask and find out why those bruises are there. Most importantly who caused these bruises and why.

If you have any questions on nonverbal tells please ask, I will be more than happy to answer you.