Understanding Human Behavior
Profiling: Narcissist/Emotional Unstable/Player Type
In my years of profiling personality types and exposing their dysfunctional behavior patterns, I have used my own terms in explaining some of the many different behavior patterns and tactics these personality types use. This is why profiling is so very difficult. No two personality types act the same way. Their core issues are the same but how they overcompensate to hide their insecurities and low self worth differ widely. There is no cookie cutter one size fits all templet. I am not a medical professional. I am a profiler, I will explain the behavior patterns that are "consistent with, not diagnosed as" of these very complicated personality types.
One must remember these personality types "were not born this way, he/she was made this way" by early childhood emotional abuse, sexual abuse, non existent emotional love and support. In my humble opinion they never experienced unconditional love by their primary care givers. When I use the term "dysfunctional personalities" it is not to malign these personality types it is the dysfunctional behavior patterns they use that is dysfunctional and very painful to the people in their personal and professional lives.
For clients and members who are in continues relationships with these personality types your life can and will be a hell on earth. With the narcissist type you experience the, idolize, devalue, discard phase over and over again. For the emotionally unstable type you will experience, the seduction, love, engulfment, hate phase over and over again. When you have a co-morbid crossover with both of these personality types I call a Borderline/Narcissist type you can and will experience dysfunctional behavior patterns of both of these personality types. A two headed monster.
I use the criminal terminology at times when explaining these personality types. MO (method of operation) will change. Their Signature (a need) remains the same. The reason is not to state he/she is a criminal. It is to explain to my clients that their behavior/tactics will change and evolve over time. They learn from their mistakes, and will adopt new tactics or change the order of old tactics, their MO is to lure you back in again. The reason I explain these changing behavior patterns in these terms is I hear the same statement over and over again, "Tony he/she is acting different than last time." Yes he/she is changing their MO. They know you will not fall the same old tactics over and over again, they evolve. I teach my clients pay attention to their "leakage." Don't pay attention to what they are saying, pay attention to what they are doing.
Their Signature remains consistent a psychological need, to regain their sense of self worth and emotional control over you. They validate their low sense of self worth and low self esteem at your expense. Don't be flattered by their return, they return to dominate, manipulate and emotionally control you all over again. To reestablish their superiority and elevate their own abandonment fears. Both of these personality types have abandonment issues.
My clients have heard me use my own terms such as, "hovering" which is different than "hoovering." "Hovering" is a precursor to the "hoovering" this is the test the waters phase, I want to stay in your head phase, I want you to remember me and reach out to me phase, I want to tug on your emotional heart strings and have "you" do all the dirty work so my ego is protected. These personality types watch your emotional reaction or non reaction to this very covert and at times very overt tactic. In the "hovering" phase these personality types can use different tactics, texting you or e-mailing you and stating how bad a person you were, how happy they are without you, talking about their new love interest, sending you a blank e-mail, a butt dial by mistake, etc. Covertly they will post stories on their social media accounts, they do not mention you by name in their posts or on social media pages, they will talk about things that have a direct correlation between you and him/her. These will be very positive events that you shared together. They want to break down your resolve. Remember this dysfunctional personality discarded you, treated you like dirt and moved on like you did not exist. If you were strong enough to accept their decision and move on yourself and did not chase, beg and plead you have triggered their abandonment fears. They want you to return back to them without asking you to come back. Remember they need no one, they are strong, they are all powerful, to ask you back shows their true face, that they are weak, needy and very insecure a fact they have been hiding from everyone their whole lives.
The Hoover is when they beg you back with "I love you, I miss you, I will change, I have changed, sexting you, everything in their power to suck you back in to the relationship again.
I have used the term "threshold" for the emotionally unstable borderline or narcissist behavior patterns. These personality types have many of the behavior patterns of a dysfunctional personality type but may not exhibit all of the traits of a full blown borderline, borderline/narcissist or narcissist personality type. Their traits and behaviors are not used in the extreme they are on the border. All traits and behavior patterns are on a bell curve from mild to extreme. In profiling I use a scale from 1-10 with 8,9,10 being on the extreme end. These personality types are in the 5,6,7 range. These personality types may not poke your emotional eyes out but they always have their finger in your eye non the less.
In profiling I have eight degrees of emotion that I would detect, identify, analyze and evaluate. Each one of these eight degrees of emotion will have different behavior patterns and tactics. When these dysfunctional personalities are in the extroverted end of the spectrum they are very "overt" in their behavior patterns and are your "classic" type. Over time their behavior patterns are very easy to spot. In the emotionally controlled personality type your, Ambivert, Introvert or Small Writer type their behavior patterns are very "covert" and are very hard to detect early on in your relationship with them. In my estimation these personality types are the most dangerous to your emotional health and well being. In popular culture the are called "Covert/Quite types.
Their dysfunctional behavior patterns will not manifest themselves until you are deeply involved with them. Once their insecurities are triggered "real or imagined" is when their "push/pull" "passive/aggressive" game playing tactics will be expressed. They will start arguments with you, call you every name in the book, blame you for everything, give you the silent treatment, distance themselves from you, lie, use "word salad" also called circular conversations all in an attempt to regain control and reinsert their superiority over you. These personality types are "hypersensitive to any form of criticism" "real or imagined" are extremely jealous and envious of you and others.
They blame the whole world for their short comings. They never do anything wrong, it is always your fault. These personality types have "gas lighting" down to a science. They are notorious for "pushing you away, pulling you back in" over and over again. You live for the highs and fear the lows, this happens over and over again until you have "trauma bonded" with them. "Trauma Bonds" are very difficult to break. The "covert narcissist" is your wolf in sheep's clothing. One behavior pattern these personality types use in the early stages of your relationship is called "love bombing" they shower you with love and attention, listen to your every word when you are talking to them, want to know everything about "you" they will very rarely talk about themselves as a true compassionate, loving man or woman of your dreams. The more you talk about yourself the more information you give them about your strengths and weaknesses. It is your weaknesses they are paying attention to. Your emotional hot buttons they will use against you when they are triggered.
The player type is only interested in sex, once they get what they want they are off to someone else. The bed never gets cold with these personality types. They have Intimacy and Commitment issues.
Pay close attention to the "leakage" you will soon realize "they need you more than you need them."
