Sexual Appetite
A member of the Academy page and my dear friend Lisa Vaz posted a question on her Face Book page and asked if I would comment on it. The question was "the reason women are single is because they are terrible in bed." "True or False?"
First women are the most sexual creatures on the planet. Second more times than not it is the men who can be duds in bed. Relationships between to people are formed by, trust, love, communication, understanding each others personality and working together as a team. Everyone is selective sexually in their wants and needs and desires. There may be things I like in bed that you do not like or things you like and need that I am not into. That can always be worked out with communication between partners. From a profiling standpoint the number one misunderstanding sexually is the intensity, pressure (mental strength) of their partner.Personalities who are not equal in their intensity will have issues and misunderstandings in their wants, needs and desires. The more intense the personality the more their traits and sexual wants and needs will be expressed. Intense people in the 4,5,6 level of pressure play hard, work hard and are very intense sexually. Personalities in the 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 level of pressure are sexual but not as intense sexually as their more intense partners are. The last thing you want to do with your partner is to reject or ridicule him/her. That will only shut them down make them feel self conscious about themselves. They will spend time worrying about what they are doing to avoid additional rejection and ridicule and that will come across more as a performance than just enjoying the moment and being natural. You will not get your partner open to trying new things by rejecting and ridiculing them. You marry the person because you love him/her not because how good they are in bed, if that were the case most men today would be single living with their parents. Sex in the desert not the main course.
The main reason:
Intensity requires intensity. When profilers talk about intensity, I am talking about (mental strength) not (physical strength). Intensity is an intrinsic trait, each and every one of us was born with an intensity level. Combined with other traits that I have detected, identified, analyzed and evaluated will give me a profile on the personalities sex drive. Many times I receive calls from clients who ask me if they have a problem. Their partner has stated that they are sick and want sex all the time, or not want sex that much. They have also stated their partner is somewhat boring and does not want to experiment much. The partner has stated that their partner is kinky and wants to have sex in more colorful ways. I ask three questions, is your sex drive, wants needs and desires causing you stress? Is causing an impairment of social/work functioning? Is it illegal? If their answer is no , then there is nothing wrong with you. Each and everyone of us have wants / needs and desires, what may excite you, may not excite me and what may excite me, may not excite you.
Each and everyone of us have a preference. A form of selectivity. The main problem is the difference in the personalities intensity level (pressure/mental strength) A personality in the P-2,3 pressure range is not going to have the same drive, want, need and desire as a personality in the P-4,5,6 pressure range (intensity level). The more intense the personality is, the more intense/colorful their sexual appetite can and will be. A personality in the P-2,3,3 1/2 pressure range may be able to handle a personality in the P-4 pressure range but cannot relate to the personality in the P-5-6 pressure range. These personalities are intense in every aspect of their lives, they work hard, play hard and are intense sexually. Male or female it does not matter. Many times it is the woman who is a very intense personality, P-4,5,6 pressure range who is married or dating someone who is a lighter pressure the she is.
The male cannot relate to her drive. Many times the male ego comes into play and of course it must be her who has the problem. It is not me, I am normal. You are the crazy one. This is not the case at all. The woman is made to feel bad about herself, she is told she is over sexed, sick and has emotional problems.
To make matters even worse, if the partner who has been made to feel badly or has been made to feel like he/she has a problem seeks out a psychologist to speak with and the psychologist is in the P-2,3,3 1/2 pressure range trying to relate to a personality who is in the P-5,6 pressure range, forget it. That is never going to happen. You will walk out thinking you really have a problem.
Remember intensity requires intensity. Everyone returns back to their normal mode of behavior once the honeymoon phase of a new relationship is over. If you and your partner are not equal in intensity (mental strength) these differences in intensity will manifest themselves at a later time and there will be problems or misunderstandings within the relationship. There is one other issue that can and will cause issues in a relationship, the fear of intimacy.
Many personalities have this fear, rather than admit this insecurity and become/feel vulnerable to the fear of losing you, they look for things in you real or imagined more times than not it is imagined to pick at, to alleviate this fear of their strong emotions for you. Their safety net on an emotional level.
So before you start second guessing yourself or have been made to feel badly, call me. I will be able to clear up the confusion and misunderstanding.
