Euphoric Recall & Intermittent Reinforcement

Special interest Article

Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
Published by Anthony Iantosca, BCFE
For the International Academy of Forensic Examiners and Investigators.

Euphoric Recall &
Intermittent Reinforcement

 I can't stop thinking about my dysfunctional abusive boy friend, girl friend, friend or business associate. What is wrong with me? Why would I want to run back to a person who has abused me. Am I a worthless co-dependent? No, you are not. Many different emotions, brain chemicals and above all else, euphoric recall and Intermittent Reinforcement all come into play.

 First, you invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into trying to make this relationship work. No one wants to believe that they were that stupid, no one wants to admit they wasted that much time and energy into a relationship all for not. As soon as the abusive partner feels they are losing control over you, in comes the bread crumbing and the carrot dangling. The promises of change and how much they love you. He/she can't live without you. You start living on hope. Lets start with Intermittent Reinforcement.

Understanding Human Behavior
Psychology Today

Intermittent Reinforcement is a term in psychology that refers to a type of conditioning where a behavior is reinforced or rewarded inconsistently and unpredictably. This pattern is distinguished by the fact that the desired behavior is not rewarded each time it is demonstrated but only at certain intervals or after a certain number of instances. It is a powerful tool in maintaining learned behaviors and is considered more resistant to extinction than continuous reinforcement.

Perhaps one of the most classic examples of intermittent reinforcement is found in gambling. Slot machines, for example, operate on a variable-ratio schedule of reinforcement. Players don't know when they will hit the jackpot, and it's this uncertainty that keeps them pulling the lever. This thrill of potential reward keeps them engaged and encourages continual play.

Second, trauma bonding comes into play. The highs and lows of being with a dysfunctional personality. The abuser becomes the rescuer and the rescuer becomes the abuser again.  The neurotransmitters that flood your brain during the seduction phase. The deep devotion and the attention he/she gave you during the early stages of your relationship.

All the good times you had, the great sex, the dinners, the nonstop texts and phone calls all to make you feel you have just found the man/woman of your dreams. Once you were on their emotional hook their true personality emerged. The bickering, the gas lighting, the emotional abuse, the cheating, the lies and deception that comes out of their mouths. All this behavior is to show you that you are not that important, he/she can live without you. This change in behavior is to protect their very fragile ego. You live for the highs and fear the lows. What you do not understand is, they need you more than you need them, that reality makes them feel insecure and vulnerable it triggers their abandonment fears.

Remember the worse you feel about yourself, the better they feel about themselves, all at your emotional expense and physical health. Being with these personalities is like being in love with a slot machine at a casino. The anticipation of wining the jack pot on the next pull. That feeling, "Dopamine" is released in the anticipation of a reward and is very powerful and addictive to your brains chemistry. These same feelings are also associated with a dysfunctional personality, they will change in the future just for you. Again anticipation of a reward. The cells in the brain do not differentiate between a good peptide or a bad peptide, the cells get hooked on the peptide's intensity.

The key to this obsession is "Dopamine" why? Dopamine "motivates" you to want things that are important to your happiness and survival. It is also released in the "anticipation" of a reward, more than the reward itself. Just like a slot machine. So when you think about a lost love and how you may get them back that is "anticipation" of a possible reward, that releases Dopamine. That keeps you locked in a loop of obsessive thoughts about the possibility of a reward, he/she may come back to me, things will go back to normal. This keeps serotonin levels low and the obsessive thoughts high.

Third, euphoric recall. You think about your lost love but you only remember the good times you had. You don't remember all the abuse you were subjected to. Only the good and wonderful times you once had. The brain runs from pain and towards pleasure. This euphoric and selective recall drives you to want to return back to your abuser. I tell my clients when you start to reminisce about your abuser and all the so called wonderful times you had. Also write down on the left side of the paper all the abuse you were subjected to, this keeps you in reality and out of fantasy land or better yet out of the casino of abusive and unhealthy relationships.

References:

 Dr. Helen Fisher
Psychology Today
Scientific American